The last week and a bit was a little rough for me. Potato overload = negative effects on body… not the way you’re thinking! It just made things a little bad for me.
I ruined a few things too like my relationship with people in terms of how I communicate with them and generally my behaviour and manners; all the things I improved over the last few months. I’m hoping this damage can be reversed and even though I know me feeling a bit ‘ugh’ (I have no words) was to blame, I’m not going to blame it. I’ve reached a point where I know I’m responsible for my own actions and words now I’ve (mostly) regained my common sense. I know I’m supposed to be patient and so on, I’ve worked so hard at it and thought I trained myself well. I was wrong.
It’s not all negative though. I learnt that when something bothers me or if I’m scared and worried it’s better for me to just say it straight out just to get it out my system. Even if the person I tell can’t help me or offer advice at least it’s something I ‘let out’ and it doesn’t feel like a secret and I don’t have to suffer in silence. I felt better for just saying it although it took me a short while to ‘heal’ after that. I was really silly and for that, I sincerely apologise.
It’s funny how when we finally get our lives back on track we feel like we can conquer the world, then one silly little thing happens and suddenly stubborness and stupity commandeer! Allaahul musta’aan.
I’m glad I can say I’m making less of these mistakes now and I reflect upon my actions much sooner rather than later… although that needs some work too *face palm*
I also learnt that I like retail therapy… rarely. That’s not actually a good thing as I think I did it to cheer myself up. Although, I did need those things and it’s not like I just splashed the cash without a care in the world.
Anyway, I remembered I mentioned in an earlier post that I wanted to share a book with you: “Tawakkul (Trust & reliance on Allaah)” By Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan. I started my proper ‘healing journey’, ya know, sorting my head, heart and stuff out in the middle of June. This was one of the first books I got my mitts on to help me. In it, an aayah:
“And whosoever has Taqwaa of Allaah, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). An He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allaah has set a measure for all things.” (At-Talaaq, 2-3)
I focused on this aayah for a little over three weeks. Every difficulty and struggle I faced within that time went back to this aayah. At times, it didn’t make sense… how could I apply this to many of the situations I was in? Du’aa, thinking, reflecting, analysing each thing I was thinking about doingall came down to having truth and reliance on Allaah. I really had to understand it in order to live by it and implement it. I guess, that’s what I should have done once again over the last week and a bit when I was feeling a little rough and anxious.
I highly recommend this book. Everyone needs it and although I thought I bougth it from Salafibookstore.com I can no longer find it. Ajeeb! Here’s a picture of what it looks like so you can hunt it out inshaaAllaah:
This brings me on to something else I want to address… Depression. Oh no, I said a word that Asian culture doesn’t speak of! Seriously, it’s important, it needs to be discussed. Yes, I was a sufferer of depression in the past. For several years in fact. I was clinically depressed. The cause was known and I think, gluten was something that encouraged the down feeling to last a lot longer than I expected. Of course I only conjectured this after going gluten free and paleo.
When I explored a few websites to find something to help me Islaamically, there wasn’t a lot out there. Now many of you will disagree with me, yes there are du’aas, people have written tips to help, keep praying, sleep well, distract yourself and so on. You know, the usual misnomers we call “tips”. Unless you’ve been through the clinically depressed phase, you don’t really have a clue what you’re talking about. And in actual fact, your “tips” to make a depressed person feel better, make them feel much worse and even more hopeless.
It’s a funny one because so many people think depressed people “just” need “advice” and things will get better. No, unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. So I’m gonna be realistic inshaaAllaah and list some things that do help in the next post.
Don’t forget to buy the book above!